THIS STORY IS NOT SUITABLE FOR READERS UNDER 12
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Chapter 16: Night Trip
Nationwide Crime Agency HQ, London, 08:00 HRS GMT
“Alright, can I have your attention please?” Chief Operating Officer Barry Griff addressed a room of over-excited field agents. “QUIET!” The hubbub came to an abrupt end and he began the meeting. “There were fourteen more vampire kills at the weekend. A shooting party at Highfog Castle.”
“Oh no! At this rate we’re going to run out of aristocrats!” Officer Clair Colt had a dark sense of humour.
“Don’t worry, there’s always more,” Officer Mick Ruddup assured her. “They breed like rabbits you know.”
“Alright!” Barry was annoyed that he had to work with such juveniles. “If you carry on like this you’ll have to stay in at play time!” He glared at everyone present. “Fourteen more people have been murdered and we’re no nearer to catching this vampire! It’s not good enough!”
“Isn’t it time we told people the truth?” Mick asked. “If we told people – they could protect themselves.”
“Out of the question! The fact that vampires are real is top secret! The Home Office is not going to back down on that. They will not allow anyone to dictate how we should live or what we should eat, whatever the consequences.”
“But what are the vampires really asking for? Really?” Mick reasoned. “I mean, animal farming is destroying the planet. It’s going to have to end sooner or later. The more the human population increases, the more we’ll need an efficient food production system, so maybe -”
“They killed the Prime Minister!” Barry’s point of view was unarguable, but he clarified. “You don’t get a say in how we handle this. Our instructions come from the government and are not up for debate. This is the weekly update. You have been given an update that there have been fourteen more murders. The fact that many of those murdered were members of the aristocracy is beside the point; the fact that the victims had spent the day shooting birds is beside the point. There are fourteen more names to add to your list of victims and that is it!”
“Were there any witnesses? Do we have a description?” Someone asked.
“Not yet. Seven staff were on duty at the time but claim to have no memory of what happened. Police who attended said that some of them were still in some kind of stupor when they arrived. They were tested and found to have no alcohol or drugs in their systems so the psych team is speculating that some kind of hypnosis might have been perpetrated. They are going to attempt regression hypnotherapy with each of them.”
“It’s weird,” mused Officer Eric Inkerton, “that the vampire didn’t kill them before they shot the birds. If all she cares about is saving the animals, that would make more sense wouldn’t it?”
“Hmm,” Barry put a thoughtful finger to his lips, “why didn’t she turn up in the morning you mean? Kill ’em all before they fired a single shot?”
Eric smiled. “Yes! Why didn’t she do that? Could it be because she has some other agenda?”
“Ooh, now you’re thinking. Or maybe it’s because she’s a vampire and can’t go out in daylight!” Barry yelled, vanquishing Eric’s self-satisfied smile and warming up his face with a hot blush. “If you have not read your Real Vampires Handbook you do not deserve to be in this room. Number 1: Real vampires cannot go out in daylight! Number 2: Real vampires do not need an invitation to enter your home! Number 3: Real vampires can shapeshift! Number 4: Real vampires have hypnotic powers! Number 5: That’s all we currently know about real vampires so we need to know more! Find out more! All of you! Now!”
***
Muriel pulled up in the rented Fiat 500. “All aboard!” she called to her friends who were waiting on the pavement.
Andy and Sammy climbed into the back, and Velma sat in the front. It was midnight and they were taking a trip to the seaside.
“It’s going to take us an hour and a half to get there, and low tide is at 2am,” Muriel informed them as she pulled away. “Sunrise is at 7 so we’ll need to head back no later than 5. Ok? Here we go!”
Velma connected her phone to the in-car stereo and began her favourite playlist.
“Elastica again?” Andy whined. “Haven’t you got any Spice Girls?”
“No!” Velma and Muriel chorussed, and then they both laughed.
“I’m sitting in the front on the way back!” Andy warned them, “and my phone’s choc full of The Spice Girls, Will Young and Take That! So take that!” He laughed and Sammy joined in with a supportive bark.
The journey was very enjoyable since there were hardly any other vehicles on the road. When they arrived they parked in a beach front carpark which was free between 8pm and 8am, and had no trouble at all finding a secluded spot on the sand to lay their blanket.
“I’m going for a swim!” Velma declared as she began to undress. “Who’s with me?”
“It’s October!” Muriel said. “I was just thinking I should have worn another jumper!”
“What about you?” Velma asked Andy, “are you as gutless as blondie here?”
“Well, I like an icy swim as much as the next person but, swimming in human sewage – not so much.” He showed her the Surfers Against Sewage app on his phone which informed them that nearly 2 million hours of sewage overflowed into England’s lakes, rivers and seas in 2025.
“Yuck!” Velma, her bottom lip showing her disappointment, pulled her trousers back up.
Muriel tried to cheer her up. “I brought my badminton stuff!” she said in a sweet talking-to-children voice.
Velma grinned. “Yay!”
But Andy wasn’t so sure. “Bit risky,” he said. “It’s dark. What if you lose the shuttlecock on the beach? Plastic hazard to wildlife.”
“Unless,” Muriel responded cheerfully, “you use a fir cone instead of a shuttlecock!”
Velma jumped up and eagerly took the racket Muriel offered her. She offered one to Andy too and all three of them got in position. Muriel drew a line on the sand with the grip of her racket. “That’s the net,” she said. “You both go on that side, together. I’ll play you both at the same time.”
“We’re going to wipe that confident smile off your face,” Andy told her. “It’s two against one and you’re going down!”
“Bring it on Sewage Boy!”
It was a full moon so that helped with seeing the flying fir cone, but Velma’s bat vision gave her an advantage. Muriel was a skilled player, having attended a local club once a week for nearly eight years, so she more than held her own against her two beginner friends. But none of them hit it every time and when they lost the fourth and last fir cone they thought the game was over, until they noticed Sammy retrieving it and burying it with the other three formerly MIA strobili under an abandoned sandcastle. But anyway they were tired enough by that point to call it a draw and commence the picnic part of their outing.
Andy brought two large slabs of tiffin – he excused himself with it’s got fruit in it – and Muriel brought cold pizza slices, a large piece of vegan jaffa cake, and a banana. Velma brought a flask of warm tea.
“This is nice,” Velma smiled as she leaned back and gazed at the moon.
“Yeah,” both friends replied. “But I feel bad you haven’t got anything to eat.” Muriel added. “Are you hungry? Do you want to go look for an angler?”
“Oh!” Velma covered her ears. “Don’t say that word. You’ll spoil my tranquillity. Anyway, after that shooting party I couldn’t eat a thing. In fact, at this point, I can’t imagine ever being hungry again.”
“It’s weird that wasn’t in the news,” said Andy. “I mean, fourteen deaths in one night. Why doesn’t that get reported?”
“Please don’t talk about it now, this is my holiday.” Velma was lying on the towel, eyes closed, as if she were sunbathing.
“You brought it up.”
“I wish I hadn’t.” She smiled to let Andy know she wasn’t annoyed.
He turned quietly to Muriel. “It is weird though isn’t it?” he whispered.
Muriel nodded and whispered back. “And I don’t think it’s what we thought before – that they don’t believe in vampires. I think they’re actively trying to cover up the truth. They don’t want people to know vampires exist.”
“Because they don’t want people to stop eating meat! Oh my Cher! ” [Andy’s most recent swear-word alternative] “Is the meat industry really that powerful?”
“I can hear you.” Velma told them. “And yes, they are that powerful. And governments do as they’re told. Why do you think they still teach children that animal products are good for them? Why do you think they still give free milk to kids?”
“Grrr!” Muriel pretended to growl. “Why can’t we have one night off? Why can’t we just not think about it for one night? Not talk about it for one night?”
Velma sat up, snatched Andy’s phone out of his hand and tapped on the SAS app. She scrolled until she found what she was looking for. “Andy – this beach is clean! Look!” She showed him the green safe to swim ticks on the map of the beach they were on. “I’m going in!”
She jumped to her feet, stripped down to the swimsuit she had under her clothes, and ran towards the waves. Sammy followed her. Muriel and Andy looked at each other, grinned, stripped down to their undies and ran after them.
Meanwhile, in London, the NCA supercomputer, equipped with a new algorithm to scan and record any conversation in the vicinity of a cell phone which includes the word vampire, recorded their conversation, transcribed it and red flagged it to be investigated by a human analyst.
***
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