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Chapter 9: We Should Have Known
“We should have known,” said Muriel.
“I guess I was over-optimistic,” agreed Andy.
“Don’t beat yourself up,” said Velma, “it would have worked if the government and Big Pharma actually cared about the safety of the population. The post mortems alone would have already proved there is no contagion. But their pathogen narrative is going to make them a lot of money. How many government ministers’ families stand to get richer off the sale of PPE? How many of them have shares in Smaxo-Pith-Whine? Or any of the other fat-cat drug pushers? They were determined to exploit the world for another vaccine and nothing we could have said or done was going to change that.”
Andy rolled a rubber ball across the floor for Sammy. “Well then, we’ll have to actually prove it.”
Velma shook her head. “There’s nothing to prove. The government already knows there’s no disease.”
“Remember this government, and every one before it, still subsidises animal farming despite knowing it’s destroying the planet!” Muriel had as much faith in governments as Velma. “They know but they don’t care.”
“I don’t mean prove it to the government, I mean prove it to the general public! To the people!”
“How?”
“I know how to make videos go viral. I’ve done it before and I know I can do it again.”
“What video?” asked Velma.
“Remember the one of the white duck who’d escaped from a farm and protected a wild duck fro-?”
Muriel interrupted. “She means what video are you going to use to prove the vampire exists?”
“Oh, well, I thought,” he hesitated for a moment, “I thought if we film Velma …”
Velma said “No!” and she meant it. “Absolutely not!”
Muriel was also doubtful. “D’you mean you want to film Velma killing someone?” She screwed up her face with distaste. “Oh no Andy, that would be a snuff film.”
“Don’t be a hypocrite. We know she’s doing it and we’re not saying she shouldn’t. But you think filming it’s going too far? How else do you suggest we prove to the world that the vampire exists?”
“It wouldn’t work anyway,” said Velma, “they’d just say we faked it.”
“How could they say that when they’ve got the dead body as proof that it wasn’t faked?”
“They’d say we injected him with the “pathogen” to kill him, that the vampire bit was faked.”
“She’s right Andy,” Muriel added, “whatever we do or say, they’ll twist it to suit their own story.”
Andy threw up his hands. “What are we gonna do then? How are we going to stop them experimenting on animals for this fake disease?”
They all slumped back in their seats and thought about it. Andy stroked Sammy’s back while he thought. Muriel pulled at a loose thread on her sleeve while she thought. And Velma, when she’d finished thinking, looked up vegan theatre make-up online.
“What are you doing?” Muriel asked.
“Ordering a new wig and a couple of fake moles,” Velma told her. “Maybe I’ll get three moles,” she added. Both of her friends looked at her strangely. “When I kill the Prime Minister it’ll be caught on CCTV so I can’t go in looking like this.”
Andy laughed. “You’re gonna kill the Prime Minister?”
“Not possible,” said Muriel, “too much security. You won’t be able to get near him.”
Velma smiled. It was only then that she realised she still hadn’t told her friends everything. “Don’t worry, I can get into Number Ten,” she told them, “I’ve done it before.”
Andy and Muriel, mouths open, looked at each other and then back at Velma. “When?” they both asked at once.
“1985,” she told them. “I preyed on a senior civil servant who also happened to be Master of the Foxhounds at the Magnell Hunt in Derbyshire.”
Muriel grinned. “Really?”
“Yes,” Velma replied cheerfully, “not a nice man. Visiting him at work, I also saw how horrible he was to his staff.”
“You’re my hero!” Muriel laughed.
Andy was grinning as well. “Mine too,” he said, “but that was a long time ago. Security at Ten Downing Street’s gonna be a lot more high-tech now. I mean, what did you do, pretend to be a courier or something? They probably only use approved companies and drivers they know. Anybody new would have to have legitimate ID to get past them.”
“I didn’t pretend to be anyone,” Velma told them. “I didn’t need ID then and won’t need it now,” she smiled, enjoying keeping them guessing.
Muriel gestured with open palms up. “So – how did you do it?”
Velma grinned. “It was winter – hunting season – so it got dark early, during office hours in fact. So I became the mist and went in under the door.”
“Whaaat???” Andy awe-struck. “You can do that? You can actually do that?”
“Do it now,” Muriel demanded excitedly. “Do it now!”
Velma became the mist, floated out the open window, turned mid-air and came back in. Then she went under the door to the kitchen and, a few seconds later, came back in through the living room window. It was good to hear her friends excited laughter as she changed back into her bipedal self.
“Can you see when you do that? And hear?” Andy asked.
“Of course she can see – she chose to go in and out the window!” Muriel told him. But then she wasn’t sure. “Didn’t you? You did that on purpose?”
Velma laughed. “Yes, I can see and hear and go where I want. I just can’t touch or affect anything.”
Andy pictured that day in 1985. “So you went into the building under the door, found the monster’s office – and then what? Turned back into yourself to drink his blood? What if someone else saw? Didn’t they have security cameras?”
“No they didn’t. Not inside. Not then. I just stayed close to the floor and moved around until I saw an office with his name on it. Then I went under the door and luckily he was alone in there. You can guess the rest.”
“Ha! I bet they cancelled the hunt that week!” Muriel gloated.
“For a couple of weeks,” Velma smiled.
“Okay but they will now,” Andy pointed out. “They’ll have CCTV in the building now. So how will you kill the Prime Minister without being seen?”
“I can’t.”
Muriel frowned. “You said you could.”
“I said I could get in, and I can. I just can’t kill him without being seen. But that’s okay, because I want to be seen. I want to be caught on camera.”
“Yes!” Andy banged on the table with the side of his fist and Sammy barked. “Of course! They won’t be able to deny a vampire exists if she’s caught on camera killing their boss!”
“On their cameras,” Muriel reminded him. “They have complete control of their closed circuit system. No one from the outside can see it and they’re not likely to share it. Who knows, they can probably just scrub the recordings if they want to. And then whoever’s next in line for his job will just go ahead with the research as planned.”
“Oh yeah, they will won’t they?” Andy was disappointed.
Velma smiled again. “Don’t worry, I’ve got a plan. It’ll work. I’m pretty sure.”
***
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