What’s In A Name?

Once upon a time there were three humans and their names were Dowatiwant, Dowateewants and Dowatheywant.  They did everything together.  Dowatiwant was the one who decided what they would do, Dowateewants would copy him and Dowatheywant would copy them.

One day Dowatiwant went into the cornershop, followed by Dowateewants and Dowatheywant.

Dowatiwant bought a packet of crisps and a can of fizzy pop.  Then Dowateewants bought a packet of crisps and a can of fizzy pop.  Then Dowatheywant bought a packet of crisps and a can of fizzy pop.  All three left the shop, one after the other, and walked to the park.

Dowatiwant sat down on a bench and opened his packet of crisps and his fizzy pop.  Dowateewants sat down next to him and opened her packet of crisps and her can of fizzy pop, and Dowatheywant sat down next to her and did the same.

There they sat, talking and laughing, eating and drinking, crunching and slurping, until their crisps and their fizzy drinks were all gone.

Dowatiwant dropped his crisp packet on the ground and tossed his drink can over his shoulder.  Dowateewants laughed, dropped her crisp packet on the ground and threw her drink can at a tree.  Dowatheywant held on to his empty can and his empty crisp packet and picked up those tossed by his friends.

“What are you doing?” asked Dowatiwant.

“Why don’t you do what we did?” asked Dowateewants.

“I’m changing my name,” said their friend as he deposited their rubbish in the bin, “to Sharperthanimaner.”

 “The connection between chucking bits of plastic on the ground and cute animals dying of starvation is a demonstrable fact.  It’s not even one of those join-the-dots facts like fossil fuel use and homeless polar bears.  It’s a dead-hedgehog-with-its-head-stuck-in-a-plastic-cup fact,” wrote Alex Proud, in ‘If you drop litter, you’re an idiot and must be punished’, The Telegraph, 17 February 2014

“… I’d ramp these [litter fines] up and enforce them with the kind of zeal that would have Dirty Harry gasping with mute admiration.”